2nd Chances: Pastoral Reflections

Rhode Island Fire Chaplain Conference

 This is my second year attending the Federation Of Fire Chaplains Annual Conference, this year on the east coast.  By the generosity of MABAS Division 12, and the Hanover Park Fire department, the trip was funded.  We did do some touring of the area and took time to reacquaint with friends, but lots of learning was involved as well.  120 Chaplains were in attendance.

One class was about new research in grief and loss, noting the differences between normal expected losses and those involving trauma.  Dr. Therese Rando, a world renown psychologist in the field of traumatic  bereavement, was our speaker.  Her instruction helped us be keener tot he needs of those who have experienced trauma, understand the plethora of dynamics that can be factors in complicating their mourning and aid them in moving toward healing.  

On the final day of classes we reviewed the Station Club Fire, where 100 people were killed several years ago, here in Providence.  There was a news cameraman present at the time of the fire and he taped the incident, and we reviewed the tape.  I even in watching the event as it really happened, cannot imagine the horror of those who were trapped  or in some cases escaping as the flames overtook them. We discussed at length the effect these events have on first responders, the means that were employed to help them cope, process and move toward healing and the lasting effect it still has on them today.  We also talked about the needs of the families of those who  died(both on scene and in the days and weeks to come), and in a small community, again, many were related to those in emergency services who had made such great attempts to limit the loss of life.  In the panel discussion we learned about the impact of the media on an event like this, and the benefits of networking with multiple agencies and groups pre-incident.

We also held our annual memorial service for those fire service professionals who lost their lives int he line of duty this year.  It is a beautiful service and this year wa not exception.  Bagpipers, honor guard, crosses ladder and the tolling of the bell bring home what the fire service means to us all. The banquets and dinners were stupendous and I don't think I need to eat again for a week.

As I am the State Director for Illinois, I had several meetings to attend, and now will be overseeing the Great Lakes Region for one year as well.  We have been greatly fortunate in Illinois to have partnered with the MABAS in setting up an effective system for our fire service chaplains, and the leadership I provided has landed me another responsibility.  I am pleased with the honor, and will do what I can to guide the work of the other Great Lakes States and provide support to them.  Each has their own set of leaders, and Ohio and Indiana have state organizations in place.  Wisconsin is hoping to use the MABAS system as it spreads there and Michigan is just getting started.

I'm glad to get home, it's time.  There will be plenty to tend to when I get back.  This trip has allowed me to grow not only in my appreciation of American history due to the location, but as a fire chaplain, a servant to those who serve.  I am better prepared to fulfill the duties of my position and have a greater awareness and appreciation for the work that is being done in other parts of the country. I'm proud to be a part of such fine individuals who will help me to continue my education and support me as I serve.

Peace

... is my parting gift to you, my own peace, such as the world cannot give. Set your troubled hearts at rest, and banish your fears. John 14:27

One of my roles in our community is to serve with the fire department as a chaplain. Usually if I am called to go, or it is expected that I respond automatically, it is because something tragic has occurred. My duties on scene are most often to take care of the needs of the family, whether they be burned out of a home or affected by an accident or death.  Sometimes later I hear the stories from the responders perspective and listen with awe and admiration. I hope that in their telling they experience healing as well.  Its grim work but rewarding and can be controlled chaos at times, occurring often in the early morning or late at night.

It would seem that the last place you would expect to find peace is at a structure fire or a fatality, but that’s just where it can be found; not because of the circumstances, but because of the depth of need and the openness to something beyond ourselves. In times of chaos we need peace…we cry out and God meets us where we are. After the initial shock and turmoil settles, there is usually a soothing calm.   Sometimes it takes hours, sometimes days, and often interrupted by waves of grief, but it comes.  In my follow up calls to those affected I regularly hear they have found this peace...and that they knew they were not alone in their suffering. The fears lessen, emotion flows easier and the family comes together. I truly believe this is a gift of God and a promise fulfilled. Emmanuel comes and God is with us. It is remarkable. This peace cannot undo what has happened, but it is the sustaining strength that gets us through.

In our lives there are times when no answer can be found. We feel pain, experience illness and even desperation. We rush around, leading busy and complicated days.  We bring some of this trouble on ourselves but often it is introduced by tragic circumstance that could not be foreseen or avoided. But aiming ourselves in the direction of God’s will, asking for comfort in times of need, empathizing with the experiences of those around us… then the peace of Christ can show through. This sets us in the direction of healing. and hope.

This free gift is ours for the asking. It cannot be explained except by faith, but is known when experienced. And it is real.  Believe it.

Ask for peace. Ask God for His presence. Open your mind, heart and soul to that which the world cannot give. When you are afraid, or worn out, let your troubled heart be at rest, and banish your fears.

My brother's advice.

I had a long day today of ministry on the front lines of life today...as did others close to me.  In all the turmoil we still saw God working, just sometimes the circumstances break your heart.  My brother chaplain called and told me to read this passage, as a servant who sees and feels and fights to relieve the suffering of others.   It was just what I needed and maybe it will encourage you too today.

Isaiah 61 (NIV)

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
       because the LORD has anointed me
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners,  

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
       and restore the places long devastated;
       they will renew the ruined cities
       that have been devastated for generations.

5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
       foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.

6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
       you will be named ministers of our God.
       You will feed on the wealth of nations,
       and in their riches you will boast.

7 Instead of their shame
       my people will receive a double portion,
       and instead of disgrace
       they will rejoice in their inheritance;
       and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
       and everlasting joy will be theirs.

8 "For I, the LORD, love justice;
       I hate robbery and iniquity.
       In my faithfulness I will reward them
       and make an everlasting covenant with them.

9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
       and their offspring among the peoples.
       All who see them will acknowledge
       that they are a people the LORD has blessed."

10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
       my soul rejoices in my God.
       For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
       and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
       as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
       and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
       and a garden causes seeds to grow,
       so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
       spring up before all nations.

HPFD Open House

I just got this picture from Assistant Chief Ken Zaccard at the station.  It was taken at the Fire Department Open House on the 13th of October. I love it.  I have a copy for the Gages.  Thought I'd share it with the rest of you.

Day 4: Serving Those Who Serve

The week I've spent in Oklahoma has been en extremely rewarding and spiritually fulfilling experience.  Not only did I meet amazing people, and learn valuable skills, but I gained a clearer perspective of my calling to the fire service as a chaplain, and how much the work that we do together as chaplains matters.  There are so many stories to tell (which will appear in sermons for sometime to come) and skills to practice. I have gained so much more than I ever feel I could give.  The training I receive not only makes me a better fire chaplain, but a better pastor and certainly a better person. And in the times when I am needed to serve, I am grateful for what I have learned.

Our role as Chaplains is to go wherever there is need, be that in our fire stations, our communities or disaster scenes.  We do not so much bring God's presence to the incident, as it does not rest only with us, but we simply encourage hope and lend compassion from God who is present in every place, to be shown through us and our service to God's people. 

In organizing further as a state (Illinois Corps of Fire Chaplains will soon be a reality), using the regional training resources and working closely with the Federation of Fire chaplains organization and wealth of leadership and guidance, we can make a difference far beyond the reach of a town, city or suburb.  This is in fact what we are called to do as people of God, to reach out to any in need, and above all to serve wherever and however we are called.

What is significant about all this is that it not only a few of us in the Chicago area that are marching briskly toward these progressive goals but all over the country, and in Canada, Fire Chaplains are working together to aid the needs of first responders and support those you serve so well. We are becoming more professionally competent, organized and efficient.  There is more accountability as well. It's awe inspiring to see the growth, based on the great need, to serve those who serve and care for our communities as well.  What an honor.

Annual FFC Convention Day 3

Day three...we're all starting to feel it now.  In retrospect, staying up so late with the "I've got a better story" contest was probably not such a good idea.  But, it was fun.  And my room is adjacent to the hospitality/party room as it is, so I can't really go to sleep until the roaring laughter stops anyway.

We had three classes, one about moral failure in the fire chaplaincy, one about children and trauma reactions, and another about being professional in the fire chaplaincy.  We also had a silent auction and I won a few shirts. The banquet was in the evening, which was very nice (although wearing my class A uniform for two days in a row isn't my favorite).  It all wrapped up about 9pm and then the stories began again will about 11:30. 

I'm tired this morning.  I'm going to Mc Donalds to get some breakfast and then pick up some sinus meds at the gas station.  There seems to be some allergy thing for all us northerners and those from the east coast too.  Everyone has a headache.

After two more classes I'll get some lunch today and head to the airport.  Before that though I promised my daughter I'd go to Shepler's western wear and get her a cowboy hat. It's just down the road a bit so I'll walk over before I go.

Right now, I need some coffee.

FFC Annual Convention Day 2

So much happened today it's hard to count it all.  I learned a lot, we had three classes, about 2 hours each. 
1. Alcoholism and drug addiction in the fire service, 
2. How chaplains can reach out to families of firefighters, particularly rookies.
3. Appreciating diversity in our communities

Over lunch we broke into regional groups, our Great Lakes Region is Illinios, Wisconsin, Indiana, Ohio and Michigan.  Our Illinois group met and decided we need to form an Illinois Corps of Fire Chaplains(ICFC) use the mutual aid system we are developing out of Hanover Park as a means of further organizing the state via MABAS divisions, because everyone can relate to that.  Some areas are already networking quite a bit.  We picked roles among about 4 of us (I made up the titles, we have to decide it all officially):

State Facilitator (me),
Recruitment and Hospitality Coordinator(Lee Gatske from Sauk Village),
IAFC contact, Chaplain to State Fire Chief Mtgs and Southern IL Representative (Darrell Coons from Belleville)
and Training Coordinator (Ed Hatcher of O'Fallon) 

We still need leaders for a website, legal and treasury. We need a mission statement, database, email list, non profit status, all kinds of stuff.  FFC has many tools to help.  It's going to be good.  My job is to communicate our efforts to the FFC regional director and get resources to use.  Since Indiana already did this we'll basically just do what they did to get started.  We want to meet annually in Bloomington or Champaign at IFSI, and schedule trainings around the state.

In the evening we attended a dinner at a local fire station (they BBQ a great brisket down here) and a memorial service for fallen firefighters and chaplains who died in the last year.

The last two hours have been spent telling medic, chaplain and fire stories and basically letting down the barriers a bit.  What a group.  It's just like being at the station but the language is cleaner.  Only once was it too much for the priests.  He blessed us, and then he blushed.  Funny stuff.

Fire Chaplains Convention

There are about 200 of us I think, at least 160 Fire Chaplains and some spouses.  I have met people from all over the United States and Canada.  Lots of Texans and Okies as they call themselves here.

Hey, Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.  We're in Oklahoma.  Never been here before.  Never felt like a Yankee before.  Never saw people get out of cars with spurs on before. They drive with cowboy hats on too.  Big cars though - lots of headroom for those big hats.

Today we had a couple presentations on Critical Incident Stress Workshops (sort of a 3 day retreat for people potentially suffering from PTSD after a disaster).  We also learned about EMDR, a psychological technique used by clinicians (not us) to help people with PTSD reprocess bad memories and unstick them.  They basically re-remember the event and watch the clinicians hand wave back an forth in front of them, following it with their eyes.  Sounds weird, is weird, but we saw it and it works.  Really amazing.  It's a study in neuropsychology -way beyond my skill level.  But good to know about for people whose memories cause real disability in their lives.

Then we spent a few hours looking at the OKC Murrah Building Memorial and Museum.  I was only 25 when the federal building was bombed, and wasn't into any of this yet.  I remember the event but was more consumed with my seminary graduation than the events of the world.  I learned a lot today.  The hardest part for me was when they showed clips of the funeral, the baby caskets.  I buried an infant once and baptized a miscarried fetus before that.  Baby caskets are really hard for me to look at.  Really hard.

I went to dinner alone so I could think it all through.  Then I read some weird Elisha stories from 2 Kings (found the original source for some Star Wars scenes) and soaked in the hot tub for a while.  Heroes is on TV now, and then I'll see if anyone is hanging out in the hospitality room.  Most of the under 60's are still awake.   I'm one of the younger ones, but I'm not the only one.  This organization is growing quickly.

I'll write more tomorrow.  Perhaps late.  Looks like a full day's programs.

Memories

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Growing up I was always a tomboy.  (those who know me are likely not surprised by this)  I had a favorite toy dump truck as a kid; a yellow, metal one with the Tonka brand.  It was quite special to me and I cared for it well.  My backyard was often turned into a construction zone with 'projects' of dirt, hammers, nails and old wood.  My parents were either too busy to notice or ever grateful that I had found something positive to occupy my energy with.  The only rule was that I couldn't attach anything to the house or garage.  That being said, the trees were often the victims of my creations and imagination games.  My best friends dad's were cops and firemen (as was almost everyone on our block in Chicago's southwest side) and as such after school days in the front yards were consumed with pretend rescues and emergencies.  On more than one occasion you could find the smaller kids handcuffed to a light pole, waiting for their merciful release. This and a few other memories of playing '500' in the alley with the local boys, skateboarding in the park and whole afternoons of 'cops and robbers' makes me less surprised of the types of excitement I seek as a grown up. I owned only one or two Barbies, and they lived a difficult life.

But playtime is one thing, real life another.  I struggle now some days to make sense of the real situations I see; not only in the FD but in our community, my church ministry and among those whom I call my friends.  I look not to the local gang of kids for support but a new group of advisers whose training and experience both pastorally and professionally far exceed my own.  Most rewarding and renewing is that I daily have the opportunity to do some good.  And it is by the power of my faith and the love of the God whom I know so intimately that compels me to continue, moving ever forward into a new realm of opportunity and possibility. 

I am privileged to lead a courageous congregation into a service to others. I am blessed with a family who is willing to share me, often at their own  loss...and this is something I increasingly must guard against.  But there are many joys too...wedding coming up at church, new families joining and lives being healed and calmed.  Smiles come with the faces of our children each time I see them and friendships are strengthened around simple pleasures of coffee and treats.  These things keep me on track, looking forward with anticipation and hopefulness to each new day.

While some days I wish I could go back to the games and scenarios of my childhood, the safety of calling time out when it got too real or a distraction came into play, I know that help is available now too, through the support of friends, members and  colleagues and the ever present peace that God gives to carry out whatever task he calls us to.

Purpose

I'm having on of those days (already) when I start to wonder if what I am doing with my days is what God wants me to do...whether it really makes a difference or if I am just being 'busy'.  It's so different in this church than in any other I've pastored.  There is so much abstraction, so much need in the community that spills into my path, much more so than in the 'church' itself.  The circumstances of people's lives here are messier and more raw than in any other church I've been.  The solutions are not always obvious and sometimes there are none aside from prayer and encouragement. Yet I know that if I am open each day to what God presents, I am doing what is right, at least for that day.  It's good that the normal stuff of ministry needs doing, the mundane but necessary routine of bulletins, paperwork, thank you notes and hospital visits so I at least feel useful again. I know how fortunate I am to see God working as often as I do and that I should be satisfied with everyday things.  But I have such trouble staying with the present. I'm always looking for what comes next. Then a call comes and I get busy again, sometimes such that I am unsure what even to do first, so I meet needs as they come.

My work in the community, with the village and the Fire Department is even more ambiguous. Sometimes I talk to the mayor, police chief and other officials as if I have known them for years(which I have not). I read and train and prepare for incidents, disasters and tragedies that may only happen occasionally, meeting and learning from professionals with such skill and experience that I am in awe of how their minds must sometimes wander into that which most can't even imagine possible.  I consider the effects of potential harm to my friends and community that sometimes I wish I did not know about.  Daily I increase skills and  develop strategies that I hope to never put to use.  I train my assistant in everything I know about fire department procedure, policy and chaplaincy and am reaching a point where I can't teach him much more without real experiences.  Yet, I feel called to this.  As Chaplain, aside from  keeping up with independent training,  I do what I can for the fire fighters, mostly keeping them in prayer and being friendly with home baked cookies and good wishes.  I'm not sure what most of them think of me personally but on scene we all have a job to do so it becomes less important.  I am ready and willing to go out whenever needed, but little has been so serious lately as to call us out much.  It's a strange paradox that this is a good thing for the people I serve yet it frustrates those of us who want to serve in emergencies.

Such is life on a Tuesday morning.  My phone and pager are on, of course, to see what the day brings. Its ringing now.  Gotta go.